Freezing Fog Frost by CardiacRN
Today it was cold. Really cold.
When I arrived to work this morning I said to one of my community’s elders, “Cold enough for you?” She laughed and said. “I like it. Feels good to have fresh air.” And the truth is, I liked it too. The cold air biting my face and hands helped me feel more awake, more alert to my day. It brought the world into focus.
And it made me want to sit in a warm room, with a cup of hot chocolate, and write.
This is a photo of my great-great-great grandparents Isaac McCoy (Ottawa) and Mary Thorpe McCoy (Sac and Fox). The little boy is their grandson, my great-grandfather. The photo was taken in 1900 at the Sac and Fox agency.
These are only three of my many ancestors. It is good to know where we come from. It is good to remember all the connections that had to happen in order for us to be here. In this way we remember that every life is precious, that each of us is a miracle.
For a long time I have imagined God as Mother. When I was younger I wanted to remove all the figures from the Nativity until I was left with Mama and baby. Now I can.
My prayer tonight:
Mama God, wrap your arms around us. Love us. Cradle us. Tell us good stories and remind us of your presence all around. Let your veil be the blanket of stars we sleep under and bless our dreams with the wisdom of the ancestors. Aho.
When I was a little girl I used to wait until everyone was asleep then sit under the Christmas tree in the glow of the lights and write. Today reminded me of those quiet nights. Magic, story, and my fast pen.
It has been a long time and I have missed writing to you. Here is my brief update, in no particular order:
My last post, “Church of Frida” was published in the Fall 2013 issue of Yellow Medicine Review. As a result, it was also nominated for a Pushcart Prize. Many thanks to YMR editor, Judy Wilson, for the nomination. It is a great honor.
I completed my thesis, miraculously on time (albeit Indian Time) and presented it at the 2012 MU colloquium to a standing ovation, minimal tears, big smiles, and the feeling of completely embodying the story I had to tell.
I graduated with a Master’s degree in Divinity, a graduate certificate in Theological Studies, and a graduate certificate in Pastoral Care.
I attended and completed a one year (four unit) chaplain residency program (aka Clinical Pastoral Education aka CPE) at a forensic mental health institution where I specialized in the spiritual care of elders and Native peoples.
I am now completely finished with my adventures in higher learning and am working on recovery.
I’m exhausted. Who am I after all of that? After five years of institutionalized learning? After five years of “think, think, think?” What I need now is un-learning. What I need now is a return to heart-centered living. I am looking for small ways to return to balance. Small ways to return to myself. Small ways to spark my creativity.
So, I begin with you, dear reader. Come with me as I re-discover my passion for story, for writing, for Mama God without all the fuss of academia.